


Mentally ill ever after

by Fake_Innocence



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Drama, Happy Ending, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 20:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4235892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fake_Innocence/pseuds/Fake_Innocence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A couple of years after the breakup Mickey and Ian meet again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mentally ill ever after

Title: Mentally ill ever after  
Author: Fake_Innocence  
Pairing: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich (Gallavich)  
Raiting: NC-17  
Summary: A couple of years after the breakup Mickey and Ian meet again. I wondered if there is a chance for a happy life, without questioning if Ian should take his meds or not. So they will have no choice. And a happy life in the end.

Ian was off his meds for almost five years and it was fine. When he was all horny and whoring and thinking about doing porno, Mickey would beat the shit out of anyone who dared to stare at Ian. When Ian was depressed and sleepy and discouraged, Mickey would beat the shit out of him. That's how it worked.  
Bipolar is something to do with hormones, they said. There was nothing better to affect Ian's than some violence.

It was obvious from their very first time, when Mickey mistook the look on Ian's face for fear, but then realized that something hard and pulsing and really fucking big poked in his leg while Ian was trying to break free. And Ian was staring at Mickey's own boner. That was the moment Mickey dropped his weapon and took off his clothes, and Ian took off his, and they stood in front of each other, excited but still unsure, waiting for other to make the first move. Ian had beautiful snow-white skin and gorgeous dick, unbelievably enormous compared to his childishly thin body. Mickey never did it with a guy before, and when Ian pushed him to the wall, spat somewhere and stabbed him with his barely lubed cock, Mickey felt relief, and then pain, and then he wished it to endure forever. 

For a long time Ian was his only one, except women, of course. Though Mickey always had a feeling that before Ian he had sex with women only to prove he could be normal if he wanted, and after meeting Ian – to prove he still wants to be normal at all, but it never worked. It didn't work with men either. He reached his orgasm with some random boy in the park, and then in the club, and with more of them, only to feel lonely and filthy in the end. Mickey would diagnose himself as a Ian-gallagher-sexual and put this decease in the fucking ICD so someone smart enough could invent a cure. 

Ian was the only one who made him whole and peaceful, he was the only one who could break him in pieces too small to be picked up together. And he did.

Finally Mickey moved to the city centre with his wife and kid. Their old lifestyle wouldn't work here, so they came across the idea of starting a porn studio. Ending up as business partners with Svetlana, Mickey somehow started to think of Yevgeny as a son he had with Ian. So he took Yev to the zoo and read him books and told him stories and even stopped smoking in his presence. He didn't want to fail Ian, who loved this kid. And he went to the clubs and asked girls and boys if they would like to do some porn. Mickey searched gay bars too, and every time he did, he wished he could see Ian there, dancing, drinking, working or whatever, but it never happened.

They meet suddenly at the hospital. It seems that every kid in the city got flu, but in the crowd of girls, women and grannies a tall man with two kids in his hands can not stay unnoticed. He's thin and elegant, black tank top, bare shoulders, dark ginger hair set with gel. Mickey doesn't need to see the face to recognize. Kids stare at him. One redhead, one brunet. Mickey freezes, not sure if it's better to walk away until it becomes too painful or if he should make these steps forward and grab Ian's ass and kiss him in the back of his head.

It's Yev who decides. "Daddy, look!" - he cries out loud, pointing at Ian his little finger. There is no way Yev could recognize him, he was about one year old when they broke up, it might have been kids he was attracted to, but there they were. Ian turns around and his sad tired face lightens up with smile.

\- Hey, Mick!  
\- Hey!

Ian changed so fucking much, he looks broken and tired and unhappy. But when he comes closer, the smell is still the same.

\- Sorry I can't hug you, man. My hands are occupied. Yevgeny! - he gives the kid a kiss on the cheek, and Mickey feels Ian's warm breath on the bare skin of his arm. It makes Mickey's cock hard and eyes wet.

"He's gay, never been further with girls than unsuccessful blowjob, the kids can't be his" - Mickey convinces himself.

\- Fiona had twins?  
\- No, only this one is hers, - Ian lifts up the baby with black hair.  
\- And the one that looks just like you?

Ian sneers. They are really alike. Ian just doesn't have freckles all over his face anymore.

\- Debbie's. Long story.  
\- You didn't steal them, huh?  
\- I'm fine. I'm back on my meds.

This is unexpected.

\- What changed your mind?  
\- Other way they wouldn't let me see the kids. They think I'm like Monica. But I'm not.  
\- 'cause you're not! You're great with kids.  
\- Never gonna have my own. Don't want them to have this decease, - Ian's face turns sad again.

Mickey wants to say, that they already have one, in his arms, smiling at the funny little redhead in Ian's. But somehow he never has guts to say what he really has in mind. 

\- I am fine, if you wanna know. Running business with Svetlana. Living in a big flat. Come over sometime.  
\- Sure. Can I ask you a favour?  
\- Yeah, of course.  
\- You were the only one I was still able to fuck while being on my meds. Can we do it just one more time to see, if it still works?

It have been brought out loud so Mickey waits for everyone to turn their faces to them in complete condemning silence. But nothing happens anywhere but inside him, where his cock and ass and prostate don't give a shit about his heart that certainly could not survive Ian leaving one more time.

\- Remind me, why did you dump me, Ian?  
\- I didn't. It was a test. I didn't really know what I wanted back then, but it's more likely that I was waiting for you to hit me in the face saying "Fuck you Gallagher there is no way I'm leaving you".  
\- I was just about to do it, when that crazy bitch started shooting at me. And you didn't even ask her to stop. So you meant it. You really didn't care anymore. You failed my test, too, Ian. So, no, thanks. I am not some guinea pig.  
\- OK, forget it.  
\- How is neighbourhood? - Mickey tries to change topic of the conversation, but it seems that Ian is too confused to talk. Asking for something like pity fuck and being refused must feel really humiliating. But did he really think that Mickey has no pride left?  
\- There is no neighbourhood anymore. Everyone moved away. We did, too. Only old drunks left.  
\- Sounds like a right place for my father. He gets out of jail tomorrow.  
\- Not for long, I guess.  
\- Yeah. As usual. Mandy's also back. Wanna call her?  
\- I will. I gotta go now, we are next in the line.

Ian rushes towards the doctor, and when he is too far away to hear, Mickey whispers: “I still love you, shithead”.

The next two days Mickey can't stop thinking about Ian. They could really start again, if meds wont's stop Ian from fucking him. But if they do... Ian will kinda have no sex life for next 30-40 years. They were so happy after their last fuck. Ian wanted to go on a real date. And then it all popped like a fucking toy balloon.

He goes to the playgrounds instead of clubs and asks about the ginger with two kids. Noone ever seen them.

On the third day he receives a call from Mandy. She's crying and through the sobs he can understand only that Ian Gallagher is lying in their kitchen in a pool of blood and Terry's gone with the car. Mickey doesn't ask her if Ian is dead or alive, he's too afraid to know that. Instead he tells Mandy not to talk to police. He has to put it to an end by himself.

Mickey knows, where Terry's hiding. He has some good memories of this place. When he was a kid, and Mom was still alive, Terry used to teach him shooting guns and hunting and let him try beer and vodka. And after her death, he ruined it all, calling Mickey useless short-ass no matter how hard he tried, and in the end nothing but hate was left between them. Mickey wishes he killed Terry a long time ago, at the very moment he hurt Ian for the first time.

Mickey doesn't want to torture or to punish his father, he just wants him gone forever. When he finally finds Terry, and shoots him right between his eyes, and drowns his body in a lake, it feels like he finally accomplished his coming out.

They tell the cops that Terry never returned home. It was robbery. Ian had keys, he opened the door and forgot to close it. Bad neighbourhood.

Only then he asks Mandy, if Ian is alive, but she doesn't know. They are not related, so they didn't let her in. Gallaghers just arrived and followed Ian to the surgery. Terry stabbed him with a knife for five times, no sign of a fight. Like Ian just let him. Mandy told Ian they shouldn't meet at home because Terry was drunk and aggressive, and Ian just went in there, aware of the danger...

\- I think, he tried to kill himself, - finally says Mandy.  
\- What's the fuck, why would he do that?  
\- You know better.

When doctor asks, how is he related to Mr. Gallagher, Mickey just pushes him aside to clear the way.

Ian's skin was always white, but not pale. Now it looks like cheap printing paper, transparent, with a shade of sickly green. Blood is everywhere, and Mickey discovers it has just the same colour as Ian's hair. There's nothing he can do but watch, and it's so fucking unbearable, it's an agony he can't endure. Mickey can't breathe, cold sweat beads between his shoulder bones, fingertips cling to the dumb glass. It feels like he is having a panic attack for the first time in his life.

\- Take a seat, Mickey.

Gallaghers expected him to come, they saved some room for him on the bench. Mickey sits next to Carl. He remembers how this kid asked Ian: “Is Mickey your boyfriend? Do you love Mickey?” and Ian didn't say yes.

\- What's the fuck happened in your house? - Fiona is furious.  
\- It doesn't matter anymore. I got it.  
\- You got what?

Mickey doesn't know what to say not to confess murder, staring at Ian who lies unconscious, his perfect body open, organs being sewed.

\- Better not to ask, Fiona. - Lip finally speaks. Mandy might have told him the truth.

They all sit there in silence, until doctors are finished. Mickey has a gun in his pocket. Before they start to speak, he decides that if Ian is not going to survive, he'll shut them for not saving Ian and then he will shut himself. Because it's impossible to keep on living with this.

\- Mr. Gallagher is stable.

Shouts of joy break in, but doctor doesn't smile. Something is wrong.

\- We had to perform nephrectomy.

\- What's that? What do you mean? - Fiona and Debbie vie to get an explanation. Lip's eyes meet Mickey's. Sure, he knows, what it is, and there is nothing good about it.

\- We removed his right kidney. Liver was also seriously damaged, but it will regenerate. Mr. Gallagher can proceed his medication either after full recovery, or under attendance in the hospital.

\- How soon is that full recovery? How many days? - asks Debbie, - We want to take him home.  
\- Days? Oh, no, young lady, he may never recover at all, it depends on excretory system. I hope though, in two years he will be as good as new. Your brother will come to senses tomorrow, so you better go home now and rest. Return at visiting hours.

Doctor is gone and Gallaghers get ready to go home. But Mickey won't let them leave like that.

\- What are you going to do? Lock him in the nuthouse for a 5-times-a-day urine test?  
\- I don't know, - Fiona's voice is hoarse and tired. - Ian is a grown-up man, he should decide for himself.  
\- Then don't manipulate. You really told him he's not allowed to see his nephews until he is back on meds?  
\- It was our only option. He got really crazy, drinking and smoking weed and meeting some random guys, bringing them home, - Debbie answers. She is even more chabby than before, somehow looking older than Fiona, but still not like an adult.  
\- I was acting just the same way.  
\- He stole things!  
\- We all did!  
\- He could hurt himself!  
\- He ended up hurting himself anyway! You just don't have much time to look after him, huh? New family. New life. It's so nice to have zombie at home to change some diapers, isn't it?  
\- Fuck off! - Lip interrupts suddenly, - You take him, you deal with it. You don't – you have no vote.

They leave and Mickey stays alone in a dark corridor. It seems that noone cares if he spends the night here. And that's what he wants – to stay until Ian wakes up, to be the first person he will see in the morning. For hours he watches Ian peacefully breathing and daydreams about their future, all the crazy things they will do and all the things he will save Ian from, like the old times. Falling asleep, he smiles happily.

When Mickey opens his eyes, the day is breaking, and there is someone else in the operating room, not Ian. Mickey twitches on the bench, clumsy and numb, but there is familiar voice to comfort him.

\- Orange boy woke up. They move him upstairs.

It's Svetlana with Yevgeny in her lap. 

\- What's the fuck?!

\- Don't worry. He saw you. I told him I give you divorce after I get citizenship.

\- Will you?

\- Of course not, how we divide our business? Our house? Our money?

\- Anyhow. We don't owe anything legal but our son.

Svetlana takes a break and then smiles while saying something she'd better keep silent about.

\- I told him you love him and want him back. I said you ask him to stay in our house and work with us.

\- Fuck, why did you say that?

\- This not true?

Mickey doesn't think long. 

\- This is. I just wanted to do it myself.

Svetlana shows Mickey Ian's observation ward. He looks alive. With so much blood transfusion, there is no more lithium in his body. Mickey suddenly discovers, that Ian might have been somewhere between his highs and lows when he woke up, equal odds to move either way, Svetlana was right to tell him good things. Being happy is better for recovery, even if it's too much happiness. 

\- Hey, how are you, man?

\- Been better.

Mickey sits next to him and holds his hand. It's cold and scarred. 

\- Did the doctor tell you already?

\- Yeah. No meds anymore, no matter if I want it or not, huh?

\- I think, Fiona and Debbie will ask you to stay in the hospital.

\- I know. They said they needed me so much, to let Debbie finish school, to let Fiona go to work. I felt useful first, but then I started feeling used and tricked. When I looked after Yevgeny it was a joy, now it feels like a duty. It's not about the kids though, it's about how my sisters treat me. It's like they want me to correct Monica's mistakes.

\- Have you seen her? Your mother?

\- Once. She found some new “love” and was all “happy” again but then depression came with all the disappointment. Frank might be the only one person that ever loved her, but she fucked it up. She's such a mess. Did I fuck it up, Mick?

\- Yeah. Totally. I did too though, so many times. But I can't just cancel my love for you. It only grows stronger no matter how hard I try.

\- I tried to cancel it. Radically. Tried to cancel my boring life.

\- Don't do this again.

\- I won't. I promise.

 

A few days later Mickey wheels Ian inside his flat. He stands there, surrounded by vulgar furniture and naked actors, his hands on Ian's shoulders, and feels like the happiest man in the world.

Ian's on a drip and is not allowed to move much to prevent suture line disruption, so they mostly lie in bed and watch tv shows, and kiss gently before going to sleep. Mickey would dip his fingers in Ian's hair and caress his scrubby jaw line and his lips and his chest, never going down his stomack, all bandaged and painfull, no matter how horny they both are. Ian doesn't ask about Terry, but it seems that he found it out from how free Mickey acts and feels. He's not afraid to tell good things anymore, pleasant things instead of his common "fuck you", things that make Ian blush. When Mickey felt the need to tell Ian those things before, he simply took his pants off and asked for a fuck instead, but he can't have sex with Ian now – not in the way he likes – so he has a sort of verbal diarrhea. They talk about their future, places they wanna go and things they will teach Yev when he grows up. They talk about their childhood when they were not lovers yet, and about the days they were not lovers anymore. Though Ian was always the one who left, he also was the one who ended up in self-destruction, and Mickey somehow managed without him. Maybe because Milkoviches were survivors and Gallaghers were fucking mess. They talk about Mickey's business and the ways to improve it. They talk about Ian's decease and the way to fight it. Sometimes they don't talk and just cuddle.

Ian is recovering well. Soon he gets stitches out of the wounds, they start to scar, and it finally feels safe enough for Mickey to ride his cock, slow and gentle. He knows Ian won't just lie motionless, he never lets Mickey to be in charge. And Ian responses, he starts moving fast and heavy under him, inside him. Ian couldn't have sex for such a long time, and now all his feelings are back like a hurricane. He can't endure a minute. Though it only takes him another minute to get hard again.

They do it three times in a row, yet still hungry for each other. Mickey places his head on Ian's sweaty chest, listens to his breath to calm down. He's in heaven. “I love you” - he whispers. Ian giggles and ruins this perfect bliss.

\- What's funny? - Mickey asks.  
\- I just thought... When Kash shot you, and he wouldn't shot you even if you burned down his shop along with his house, I understood how important I was to him. It was so thrilling to discover that, but at the same very moment, I lost all desire for him. Maybe I wanted you so much back then because you showed no love, and when I finally got it, I freaked out, like with Kash. I couldn't get along with the idea that someone loves me so much he can kill for me and die for me. Monica and Frank never loved me that way, even Fiona didn't. But now you say it out loud and it feels good, it feels right. Maybe, that's because now I really love you too, Mickey. I mean, I loved you before and the feeling was strong, sometimes too strong to endure. But it was childish and selfish. I wanted you all for myself, I wanted you to abandon everything for me, I wanted to be the centre of your world, the only one that mattered...

\- Hey, man, stop it, stop this “let's not want each other all for ourselves” shit. It sounds like you're just asking for a permission to cheat on me. And I don't give you one!

\- Just being honest.

\- Oh, don't tell me it was your kidney that prevented you from loving me properly and now you start to see the light!

\- Not now. Right after you left neighbourhood. I missed the family we had so much, I agreed to take the meds because without you the life wasn't worth living anyway. It seems that you are my only cure. I tried to seduce Fiona's husband, you know...

\- Huh! Did it work?

\- It could. She felt unwell during her pregnancy so they didn't have much sex, and Gus was horny like 24 hours a day. I slept in the kitchen and he came for another beer, he was a little bit drunk...

\- How far did you to go?

\- I grabbed his dick, but he called Fiona immediately, said he had enough of me and naked fags in his kitchen and they need to do something about it. So they did.

Mickey laughs. Ian truly is so fucked up without him. 

\- I think we can finally go for a walk tomorrow. You, me and Yevgeny.

\- It will be great! Where are we going?

They talk about it till midnight.

The next day is a totally ice cream day. They buy a large ice-cream pie and eat it in the park, getting all sweet and sticky. Ian cleans Mickey's mouth with his tongue, or that's what he wants it to look in front of Yev. They wash hands in a fountain and ride electric carts and merry-go-round and rollercoaster too. It's so much fun that they are crying with laughter while leaving the park. There was no fun fair in the neighbourhood, so it's Ian and Mickey's first time. Yevgeny asks if they will come here every weekend and they answer yes in the same breath. Then Ian buys himself another ice cream and sucks it deep into his mouth until creamy white liquor trickles through his lips and drops down his chin, and it's too much. It seems that everyone noticed that Mickey got hard from just watching it, and the thought of it gets him even harder. He can't wait to get home.

As soon as the bedroom door is closed behind them, Ian drops on his knees and sucks Mickey's dick into his mouth, licks it like an ice-cream, hungrily, enjoying the salty taste of the lube on his tongue. He does it so good, but so fucking slow, yet sill in the whole world there is nothing more beautiful than Ian's full red lips around Mickey's cock. He loses the sense of time, the sense of everything but Ian deep in his ass, fucking Mickey right the way he likes. Good and hard. 

The thing Mickey fears the most is Ian's depression. He is to figure out the way it works, because it can not just come out of nowhere. Mickey has only seen it once, after his coming out, and it was not an everyday experience. They say depressions will come all the time after good periods, but that period was definitely no good. Many things happened so fast, and Mickey could barely manage them himself. He'd say Ian was all nerves that day, torturing himself and Mickey, trying to make a decision, and then he was satisfied, and then physically hurt. And then happy, while listening to what Mickey cried out loud to his dad and to everyone about how much he likes to take it in the ass from Ian. If Mickey finds out the trigger, it will be possible to avoid depressions, he believes. But if perfect happiness always comes before depression, he will have to keep Ian sad, and they will never go to the fun fair again.

Mickey is not sure if it is good or bad, but it all goes different way, the mania way. Maybe that's because Ian obviously had a kind of light depression when they met in the hospital, and it might not be that light, because Ian ended up attempting suicide. Maybe his cocktail was wrong, or the meds just weren't working. Anyway, after they go through gay clubs together to find some new actors, Mickey has no more doubt that it's not the depression he should fear most. Ian's full of new ideas for some porn-art projects. He interferes everywhere and tells everyone what to do. Though Mickey should give him a credit for being really good at recruiting and mentoring boys, he can't even feel free to take a shit and leave Ian alone for like 5 minutes. He is waiting for the next crazy shit all the time, and it's really a torture. It's a torture to imagine he will not be ready enough.

It seems that someone finally noticed that Terry's missing, so the cops call Mickey and ask him to visit their office and answer a few questions. It seems fine with the police, like they didn't find the body. But it is absolutely not OK with Ian, because Mickey will have to leave him for a whole day. At least, he won't be in the club, however, fucking firecrotch can run into trouble almost everywhere. This pisses Mickey off.

He asks Ian not to leave the house (not because he's worried, of course, they just they have the problems with the law) and leaves to the neighbourhood police station as soon as the day breaks, in order to return earlier. He's unlucky though. There is some serious accident, and cop is busy, so Mickey goes to his old house. Mandy's at work, so he just sits here alone, on the couch, where he sat with Ian one day, watching TV, and then they fucked, and then got beaten by Terry who is dead and gone now, forever. It's hard to believe it, sitting in the same very room Terry almost killed Ian. That time cops believed it was robbery, because Ian's wounds were not fatal. Mickey knew, that Terry just wanted him to die very slowly, in a place he was happy once. He was such a fucker, his father.

Mickey studies his old anal stuff, when the cop finally gets available. The accident took place nearby, so he came straight to Milkovich house. Mickey gladly notices, that he's embarrassed by the sight of Ben Wa balls on the couch. It would make the cop less observant.

Mickey says he doesn't even want to know where Terry is and asks not to inform him if they find him in some dirty pit, drunk, with a broken neck. 

Svetlana calls him just when the cop starts asking about Ian and the robbery. She needs him back immediately. It's about Ian and it's no good. It seems that he brought home someone suspicious.

\- Sorry, I need to go. I already told you guys everything about Ian. He's sick and he needs me right now.

\- OK, - the cop agrees. - Just one more question. Do you think it's appropriate to use those things on a sick person?

The question is so stupid, that Mickey can't help laughing. 

\- Holy shit! Those were my favourite toys when I was fifteen. I'm not even taking them home. I will leave them on the couch, make sure dad will have a heart attack, when he comes home.

\- Sorry, man. That was none of my business.

While locking the door, Mickey finds himself thinking, that sometimes it's for the better to be gay even in this neighbourhood. Then he has a longest way home in his life. 

Svetlana is yelling so loud that it can be heard through the closed door. At least, it means that she still has it in control.

There's a stranger in the room they are filming. The guy looks totally like a criminal – a handsome one, though, in a dangerous way. But Mickey definitely could beat him - it's the only thing he likes about it.

\- What happened?

\- Orange boy brings this man, says they do things on camera and I film. I say we do no such thing here. Camera is for personal use, for me and my husband. He doesn't listen. He says he gave promise.

Svetlana never improved her english – maybe because her actresses were mostly russian and ukrainian. 

\- Where's Ian?

\- I ask Yevgeny keep him away, but this not for long.

\- Are you in charge here, man? Explain to your bitch... I'm not a cop or something.

\- Hey, this bitch is my lawful wife, and you're in my house. So listen to me now. It doesn't matter what the redhead told you, because he is sick and he's under my responsibility. So please leave now and forget you were there.

\- Sick like what? Drug-addict?

\- Sick like mentally ill. He has serious problems, he imagines things and stuff. We are not running any kind of business here. So just leave, don't make me wait.

\- I'm not leaving until I talk to him.

Ian appears at this very moment, holding Yev by the hand. He's completely over that guy, maybe, even forgot about his existence. It's written on his innocent smiling face. They're so cute that Mickey doesn't feel the strength to get angry at him. So he has to get angry at someone else.

He hits the stranger, taking him by surprise. It doesn't knock him out, but the guy is distracted which makes him a good target for Mickey's fists. He beats the man till he falls on the floor, bleeding and asking for forgiveness. At the doorway, holding frightened Yev closer, Ian unthinkingly lick his lips. Mickey has no doubt, that they will have a great fuck as soon as the guy is out.

\- Why did you do it, daddy? - suddenly asks Yevgeny.  
\- He tried to steal something mine.  
\- What did he try to steal?  
\- I'll tell you, when you grow up.  
\- And when is that?  
\- I don't know. In 5 years? - Mickey throws at his son the first number that comes to his mind before Ian closes a bedroom door and falls to his knees, undoing Mickey's belt. He'd say it will be too late. Svetlana'd say it will be too early. 

But when the time comes, Yevgeny doesn't need to ask. He knows already. He's family is fucked up, but in a good way. His parents finally made their business legal, so they will never divorce, though his mother's girlfriend is a porn star, and his dad's boyfriend is off his meds for nearly five years. And it's completely fine as far as they love him.


End file.
